Negative Emotions – fight them, or understand them?

-We experience them all the time…

Fear – anxiety about that cold cal, or this group of people.

Frustration – why are things not working out the way I want?

Stress – I have too many tasks overwhelming me.

Doubt – I don’t think I can really do this

Shame – Why can’t I be like Joe?

Our default reaction is to fight these thoughts. They reveal an inner conflict that we have. Part of you wants to move forward, but a part of you doesn’t.

It’s like the classic Golum vs Sméagol. One wants to trust the hobbits, and one doesn’t.
You want to give up, but you want to push forward
You wants to protect yourself, but you want to be vulnerable

The truth is, your feelings are created by what you perceive to be important or not, and how you understand circumstances are affecting that.

For example,
-I want a peaceful morning, but the baby’s crying is disturbing that
-I want to succeed at this, but all I see is myself not matching up, and that is getting in the way.
-I want to connect with this group of people, but I’m feeling anxious about what they think of me.

Let’s dig down a bit beneath the surface

You have heard the statement in sales “people buy based on emotion”. This is the sales application of the universal truth “your emotion is the fuel that drives your behavior”

And your emotion is created by what you are believing, usually subconscious, and what you value, often subconscious.

This means that every negative feeling that you have is coming from somewhere. Every negative feeling has a positive message and an opportunity behind it.

I was making a cold call, but I didn’t want to do it. I asked myself about that part that didn’t want to do it. What is important here?

Ah, I don’t want to be rejected. I want to be accepted.
What’s important about being accepted? It enables me to be at peace.

Then, recognizing this, I have a strategy for feeling peace, and felt peaceful.

Then I was able to make the cold call, and be calm and at peace doing it.

What could that be for you?

What is the nature of your inner conflict? What is that feeling? Here are a couple ideas:

Emotion Meaning Opportunity for action
Anger – expectations have been violated. – Understand your expectations, Change smth
Fear – something might be dangerous, – Pay attention, make a plan!
Guilt – something that’s important to you, – Change negative behaviour in the future.
Adversity – A current uncomfortable challenge – Opportunity to grow
Apathy – your values are not engaged. – Examine your values

When you have inner clarity, that empowers you to find a direction and to take the action that you need to succeed and grow.

Having gone on the journey myself, my passion is to help others learn to work with their negative emotions to achieve true emotional agility, confidence and joy every day. Please hop on my calendar for a 30 minute complementary conversation

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